Trusting God.... Or Pleasing God?

"Many are plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails" (Proverbs 19:21)

I read this verse today and I feel that this is exactly where I'm at in life right now. Questioning. Wondering. Pondering. "What IS God's will for my life, and where is the next step or decision that I need to take or make in order to realize if I'm actually in the middle of it?"  


This week is the 2 year mark since I was laid off from my job. I then returned to school, finished my degree in the fall semester of 2008 and graduated in the Spring of 2009. My hopes and plans were to, continue to follow my calling and find a full time job in ministry as a music pastor. . . somewhere.

Since then, the economy's taken a nose dive and I've been in the unemployment line. Financially scraping by. Hoping beyond hope that God will open that door and lead me in the direction that He wants me to be in. Oh, and I forgot to mention that I had to endure an emergency appendectomy. Along the way though, I've had a few glimmers of joy, love, relationships, & opportunities for involvement with great musicians who've all become really good friends to me. I've even seen some growth in my striving to somehow "touch God" or at least feel His presence on a regular basis. But I have to say, through the ups and downs of this journey, the last 2 months have indeed been the hardest so far.


And believe me, throughout this process, I've probably heard just about every cliche in the book when it comes to life struggles in regard to my situation. "Keep focused on God, He'll provide a way", "God helps those who help themselves", "God works though it all... the good and the bad..." and many more that I can't think of at this time. I often tried to keep myself motivated too by thinking upon the same lines... "Just keep persevering John, God will open the door for you.", "Maybe God's kept you away from those jobs that you've applied for, for a reason?", "There's no coincidences with God... there's got to be a reason for why you haven't gotten a job yet..."  But all I've heard through the last couple of months is . . . *crickets* . . . Whew.... It's quite taxing on the old emotional system, that's for sure. Silence can be golden, but when you're striving for some kind of response from God. . . it can be DEAFENING!


But... there is a bright side. Thankfully God does continue to speak. Be it through His word, the Bible, or through others, especially close friends, in ways that I often don't expect. It just doesn't always happen everyday for me. Am I weird for admitting this?


I haven't ever really written about it openly, but the truth is, I do know that I deal with depression and self esteem issues. Most of which has been impacted or inflicted from outward sources. Over time, the Lord is continuing to heal me of it, and I know that one day I will be free of the clouds of depression that seem to cycle through and often hit me like a hurricane, when I least expect it. Thankfully, I know Who's in control and Who will provide the rainbow of hope that I need in order to survive these moments.


This past week I was able to watch an incredible sermon entitled "The Room of Good Intentions" by John Lynch. This message struck me at the core. In this sermon illustration, John describes two paths that lead to two rooms that he encounters in Heaven. One path is the path of "pleasing God" and the other is the path of "trusting God". First he chooses the path of "pleasing God". Upon entering the room at the end, he realizes that everyone is wearing masks and everyone is "fine" when they're asked how they're doing. He soon realizes that this is not the room that he wants to be in. He decides after some debating to leave and meander to the path of "trusting God". In this room he finds people who are open and honest about their brokenness, their fears, their sin life, etc... This of course, is a room filled with people touched by God's grace. 


In this brief clip, John succinctly wraps up his sermon with an illustration that really spoke to me about how I've been trying so hard to "please God" and failing miserably at it. When the all powerful Father in Heaven, already knows exactly who I am and what He wants for me. All I have to do is merely have faith and trust Him. I hope it blesses you as much as it did me.